I know I’m dating myself with that line but hey, I don’t care.
Sooo, I’ve just completed one trip around the sun and stand at the start of another. I give thanks!
So many thoughts and emotions today, all of them positive, but varied. I look at my number of completed years on a piece of paper and think “I don’t feel old enough to be this age”.
Full of gratitude for the year just ended, with its highs and lows and myriad points in between. Looking back at it I appreciate that that year was meant to be about growth, change, healing and refocusing. These lessons persist into this new-year but at varied stages of progress. I have much to be thankful for… and I thank my honoured ancestors and the divine ones of my spiritual escort for all they have helped me accomplish, learn, and work on.
I’ve learnt how to let go of the fear of not being in control. Had no idea this fear even existed in me or that I was holding so tightly to the idea of always being in control. This past year has forced me to confront that and search out where it came from. The truth is that the experiences in my past where I completely lost control and was mistreated and taken advantage of lead me to believe that I always have to be in control in order to be safe. This past year brought me a state of almost complete lack of control…over everything! From where I lived to my movements on any given day, no matter how diligently I tried to exercise control, no matter my efforts, every experience came with the lesson – you’re not in control anymore booboo; let go of the need to control the process! It (whatever “it” was) would happen when and how it would happen, but would happen without your control-freak tentacles touching it.
This past year, too, I was confronted with a plethora of feelings, emotions, that I’d unconsciously given home to within my body that, over years, have caused imbalance and destruction within my body temple – envy, anger, jealousy, resentment, shame, fear, guilt, worry, sense of unworthiness, weak esteem of self… so many nasty, gunky feelings and thoughts and emotions. Thankfully, this year gave the awareness, space and time to begin the work of healing and releasing. It’s been a hard, tough journey so far but I haven’t been alone. With the support of the Divine Ones, I’ve been doing the basic and necessary work of healing. And I’ve made much progress – beautiful, hard progress – and I continue to push through and work harder and progress more because, you see, there’s no way I can fully live the life I’m destined to live until I do the foundational work of cleansing and healing all of me first.
So, while it didn’t seem like it while it was unfolding throughout the year, this completed year was one of healing, of breaking down and dismantling and destroying and repairing and replacing and cleaning out…. And this work continues. Give thanks for healing!
And now, standing on the freshness of this new-year, how do I feel? What do I see? Hmmm, I feel peace! I feel overjoyed at the possibilities this life’s path has in store for me. I feel ready and eager to continue the work of healing my body, spirit and mind, of evolving into my higher self. I feel ready to love more openly and honestly that I ever have… to embrace my divine destiny, to help others on their paths by sharing the few lessons I’ve learned on mine; to open my heart and womb to the ultimate love, to create and birth people and ideas and projects that thrive and my most impossible desires and a life of abundance and prosperity doing JUST what I was born to do. I feel open!
When I close my eyes, I see me on top of a high place with nothing hindering my view; the vastness of the ocean is before me, blue and calm and constant and massive and me; the sky above shines happy and bright, there is sun, there are white clouds, there is bluest-blue sky; there is breeze, blowing and flowing wherever it wants; and I’m standing there on this land of low cut, healthy looking grass, wearing long white flowing clothes and my arms are open wide as if to give everything I see and feel a big, gigantic hug, and my face smiles as I feel the bliss of the experience; so much so that my real face, now, smiles as I take in, consciously, the reality of that vision, hold it and turn it around. THIS is how I feel at the beginning of this new year. I feel OPEN!
© September 21, 2016