I typically start both the indigenous and gregorian new years in quiet reflection. This gregorian year though I put off writing my reflections and recommitments for a few days, even though a lot of thoughts, ideas and gratitude are floating through my head. I put it off to today mainly because I was tired and wanted sufficient rest to have energy for the task. Well I’m rested now but the energy isn’t there. The news of the past few days have left me discombobulated, angry, hurt, heart-pained. Wanting to write these feelings out but fearing all I’ll end up with is a jumble of incoherence. My heart is heavy, laden with questions that have no answers that will satisfy.
In the last few days I’ve learned of death and life threatening tragedy and, while death is always around, its tough to have to deal with its reality when you aren’t/weren’t mentally prepared for it.
Natalie Cole, the singer, died. While I wasn’t a huge fan of hers I did enjoy her music and felt the pain and joy of her tragic and triumphant life. I received news of her passing with gratitude for having been positively touched by her life, even if in small ways, and prayed her cross over to the ancestral realm is safe and successful.
Then, and this hit much, much harder, came the news of Dr. Frances Cress-Welsing’s stroke. A serious stroke. She was able to wiggle her toes but nothing else and was on life support at the time I heard of her condition. My heart wept when I found out. Dr. Cress-Welsing was a psychiatrist and author of the book The Isis Papers (one of the first books I read when I started to become culturally conscious). Her theory of color confrontation and her analysis of racism/white supremacy blew my mind in how completely it made sense. It forever changed my thinking and while I never had the honour of meeting her, I’ve learned so much listening to her lectures. She was an intellect, a great thinker, a consistent advocate for the total eradication of the system of racism/white supremacy and its replacement with justice. Her voice was always steady, not loud and brash but not timid or weak either. She spoke in a calm, calling-a-spade-a-spade manner and she impressed and inspired me a great deal. I prayed hard that it wasn’t her time to transition… a selfish, greedy prayer, admittedly, but and honest one all the same. I prayed for her complete recovery and that vibrant health would return to her. All the while, my heart was sad at the thought that her farewell may have been at hand. It was. The powerful intellect made her transition the day after I learned of her stroke… I cried.
Finally, and this hit hard too, on several levels, I found out that one of the young ladies my good friend Zahra teaches and works with, an amazingly talented girl, excellent actress, truly a “she’s going places” kind of young lady is in hospital now – her mother… HER MOTHER apparently set her on fire! She’s badly burned about her body and the question everybody is asking is WHY?!?!? I’m in pain for this child… whatever the issues may be at home she doesn’t deserve this abuse. No child, NO CHILD should ever know abuse!
It pains me knowing she has. I’m in pain over all the other young people in Antigua like her… there are so many… whose lives are mirrors of abuse in abusive families. Remembering the young lady a year or two ago who was beaten to death – TO DEATH ME SEH NUH – beaten to death by her own grandmother, a woman who should have been put away (or put down) years ago for her history of abuse but was never arrested, never charged. I’m told she even beat up her husband so badly once he was hospitalized. Her daughter moved out of the house because of her abuse AND LEFT HER CHILD WITH THE ABUSIVE GRANDMOTHER! The girl’s father apparently knew the grandmother was abusive but left his child in that environment! There are too many stories of our children being abused! And what does it say about a people, supposedly civilized, who allow their children, the most vulnerable of the society in their inability to fight back, to be abused?!
This latest incident hit home because I knew of this young gem… her intelligence, her talent… I was proud of her successes as told to me by Zahra and other friends. The mother in me rooted for her, wanted her to go far and achieve much. And now this!
Rage is what I feel at the unfairness of children being given (I’m speaking spiritually here) to women who would abuse them or allow them to be abused and denied to women who desperately long for them and who would never subject them to abuse. What is that? How is that justifiable? How can this be just?! What I wouldn’t give for a daughter, let alone a budding talent, flaws and all. The thought of that girl lying in a Mount St. John hospital bed in pain because of her injuries hurts deeply. The tears that flowed and continue to flow, flow for her too. I can only imagine the depth of the pain of those closest to her… and I have no prayers other than healing and total recovery for her, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I can’t bring myself to pray for “understanding” because THIS is not something I ever want to understand.
My focus this gregorian-year cycle is Laugh, Learn, Love… LIVE!!!… and as the divine principle would have it, balance demands that, as part of all that “Cry” must be present. Day 4 hasn’t gifted much to laugh about but lessons to learn through tears, a reminder that the capacity to love is infinite and gratitude at another day to LIVE!!!